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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Feel the Rush

Do you feel like you are ALWAYS in a rush?

I do. Constantly!

Partly this is because life is busy. Particularly if you have young children.

But I admit most of this is simply due to my personality. I am terrified of being late and terrified of not fulfilling all of my obligations and obsessed with being productive and efficient.

While these traits make me reliable, responsible, and successful in many respects, this also means that I have difficulty relaxing, am constantly multi-tasking, needlessly stress myself out and struggle to live in the moment.

I believe this is why Big A and I clash so often. She is emotionally needy and desperate for attention, while at the same time a dawdler, and a child who has difficulty with transitions, making decisions quickly and often changes her mind at the last minute.

I have said publicly on this blog many times that I need to slow down and spend more time giving her my undivided attention because...well, that is what she needs.

But I think I have only made very minimal improvements in this regard.

Lately I have noticed just how much my constant rushing negatively affects my life. When I am rushing the girls to daycare, rushing to work, rushing home from work, etc., etc., I am miserable. It is difficult to enjoy ANYTHING when you feel like every second wasted may lead to disaster. And the truth is, that is not reality.

Yesterday I decided to take my time riding my bike home from the fertility clinic and it was a completely different experience. Instead of cursing every red light and driver who cut me off, I focused on enjoying the beautiful gentle breeze that made it such a lovely day to be riding.

Today I finally got back to yoga at the JCC and realized that one of the reasons I really need yoga in my life is that it is one of the few times I will stop and be in the moment. I hope I can continue to fit it into my schedule at least once a week, but I am also vowing to stop rushing whenever possible and try to enjoy the moment like I did yesterday. After all, living in the present is what it's all about, right?

I think this will benefit Big A and myself.

Okay, off I go to pick up the girls. No rush though, I know I'll get there on time!