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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Love and Patience

It was a very bad start to the day today. Big A made a poo at 6:35am and started calling for Adam. I came upstairs to help her wipe (yes, the joys of parenthood!) and she immediately started whimpering for Adam. I should have started hugging and kissing her to diffuse the situation but I couldn't do it, I was too angry. She has managed to go 8 days straight without a tantrum in the morning (the longest stretch she's managed to behave in the mornings in many months) but today it was back to the same old thing and I just lost it. I really didn't FEEL like giving her affection, what I felt like doing was locking her in her bedroom to scream in a place where I couldn't hear her. Unfortunately, her room has no lock. Instead, when I was not able to snap her out of it with threats of a "sad face" on her morning cooperation chart, I just started yelling at her about how sick and tired I am of this same stupid tantrum and then started asking her why she can't stop doing it. All the while I know the yelling is pointless and that asking children why they misbehave is futile. But my anger got the better of me. So, of course, it escalated and she screamed and cried, waking up Little A and making me furious. Eventually, it was Little A who diffused the situation. Even after we got downstairs, Big A was shrieking and lay down on the floor, yelling and flailing around. Little A was puzzled and seemed concerned about her big sister, so she went over and bent down and gave her a hug. Little A's hugs make Big A melt, even when she's upset, so eventually she calmed down. Sherma pointed out later when I described the scene, that affection worked with Big A again, only this time it came from Little A rather than from me. I don't know who I am more disappointed in: Big A or myself. Hopefully, at least, we can both learn from the experience.