Thursday, December 31, 2015
Well well, how is your 2016 shaping up so far?
I apologize for the dearth of posts lately, things have just been super busy. I have a list of meaty posts I have been wanting to write but haven't had the time. But I promise I will get to it!
Looking back, was 2015 a good one for you?
It was a great one for me actually...especially compared to 2014. The year I turned 40 was one that was full of existential angst. I went through some hard times asking myself hard questions that most of us find ourselves asking from time to time: Am I enough? Should I____ What if____? Most of it revolved around my professional self. I grew up in a home where academic achievement was everything. There was great pressure to excel in intellectual endeavors and financial stability was highly valued. Its ironic then, or perhaps its the result of, that both my brother and I dabbled in well paid, stable jobs and ran the other way screaming and, instead, ended up in highly unstable, self-employed careers.
But its difficult, even as adults, to shake off that desire to get validation from your parents and reject their value system that may not be true for you, and develop your own. As I looked around at all our friends and family who followed the path I was expected to take, I was left with feelings of guilt, shame and self-doubt. Oh my, we are going to live in a semi and only own one car forever while everyone else is moving into larger homes and driving nicer, and multiple cars! It seems absurd when I said it out loud, of course. The things that really matter were all right in my face: my kids, my husband, my health, my work, living in a peaceful country, etc.
Also, my cynicism about the world has started to lift. For a while there it felt like everything was going to complete hell. Toronto had a pathetic, psycho mayor, Canada had a pathetic Prime Minister, and technology and social media seemed to be destroying true human connection and empathy. The fact that we replaced that joke of a mayor with a good guy and the butt-face Prime Minister with a great guy, has given me (and most of the country) a renewed sense of optimism. Although 2015 saw many tragedies play out across the world, finally seeing so many people open their hearts to the many Syrian refugees is wonderful. Of course, Donald Trump is a huge blemish I still hope we can erase from the political scene in 2016.
In terms of my own personal situation, its not like I pine for any material things we don't have, I just feel responsible for the fact that we don't have them. I also love what I do for work. I am passionate about being a therapist and especially my work as an infertility counsellor. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to do what I love, because a lot of people are not so lucky, no matter how much money they make or how many things they can buy.
Ultimately, what matters most, for anyone, is to feel a sense of purpose and to feel like you matter. After a year of thinking, reading and reflecting, I have realized I do feel a sense of purpose, not only as a therapist, but as a mom, daughter, sister and wife too. I matter because I help people and that makes me feel fantastic. There is no money in the world that can compare to the feeling I get when people tell me I have positively changed their lives.
Thank you all for continuing to read along in my journey and I hope in some small way I have had, or will have a positive impact on your life!